Acid? Muscle relaxants? Or just being awesome? We may never know. But we can keep watching. Because Ashley S.–our Ashley Brooke Salter–got (against seemingly insurmountable odds and conventional wisdom) yet another rose from Prince Farming on Monday night’s episode of The Bachelor.
“That has to just be the producers keeping her on,” my wife said.
Sure, maybe. Because Chris Soules, at times during his one-on-one interactions with the 2012 Auburn grad, whom Bachelor host Chris Harrison promised would be “the most talked-about girl on the show for quite some time,” looked genuinely concerned. Not just for her, in one of those I-want-to-rescue-her-from-her-demons kinda ways. Chris doesn’t seem like that kind of dude. No, he seemed legitimately concerned for himself.
Maybe you can’t blame him. Because there’s Ashley on the group date at the paint ball haunted house, not squealing like the others, not pretending to be scared, but walking straight into the zombie hordes, emptying her gun into the corpses of actors just trying to earn a buck as target practice. They were already shot, on the ground, just waiting for the cameras to leave. Ashley didn’t care. There was gusto in her goggled eyes, a palpable purpose in her walk. She didn’t care about winning a reality show. She cared about killing.
When she interrupts Soules’ “Tell Us About It” interview with the show’s producers, beelining into the spotlight right at he’s telling the world he’s not sure what’s wrong with her, but that something definitely is wrong with her, he actually takes what I’m sure a body language expert would consider a defensive stance.
“I don’t want to be fake with you,” Ashley tells him. (So when she told him half a second later that his leather jacket smelled really nice, you know that thing must have smelled amazing.)
You doin’ OK, he asks.
A second goes by.
“Yeah, of course.”
“You’re holding up OK?”
“I don’t even know what you’re asking me.”
The other girls stare and OMG and offer theories (the consensus: narcotics).
Then she offers her deepest thoughts of the show: “You don’t want to lose the whole world, right?”
Prince Farming shakes his head.
“But actually you don’t want to gain the whole world,” she continues, quoting Jesus Christ. “You don’t want to lose your soul.”
“That’s a fact,” nods Prince Farming.
(Can’t see the video? Try here.)
Last week, the night of the season premiere, Soules’ appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Kimmel held up a picture of Ashley. “True or false — appears to be crazy,” Kimmel says.
“Crazy,” Soules’ replies without hesitation.
Whatever she is, Ashley is without a doubt the most interesting girl, the most interesting person on the show, maybe the most interesting person on television at the moment. Because she doesn’t seem to care that she’s on television at the moment.
Who’s going to get the rose, the freaked out competition asks her, as they huddle together for protection under blankets.
“Maybe an angel,” she says. Moments earlier, she said to no one in particular, “there are, like, angels, literally” as she stared at a candle or something.
Ashley’s Angels — yes, that’s the name of the spinoff we’re smelling.
“People watch the show and see crazy people here and think ‘is that staged, is she an actress? What’s going on? Is she really that crazy?'” says some boring contestant as the scene comes to a close. “And I’m here to tell everybody that Ashley is full-blown… a crazy girl on The Bachelor.”
And the show is better for it.
More Auburn Folks On Reality Show stuff:
* Cast member not allowed to wear Auburn shirt on History Channel’s ‘Bamazon’
* ‘Survivor’ contestant Krista Klumpp tells all; former AU cheerleader says LSU bad boy Russell thinks Auburn is ‘the best school of all time’
* ‘Amazing Race’ contestant Brittany Fletcher no stranger to television—watch the Auburn grad win ‘The Price Is Right’ on her 18th birthday
* Bama fan refuses to remove ‘Go to hell Auburn’ sticker on TLC’s ‘On The Fly’