So your Auburn Tigers just won the Big Enchilada this past season. You take, pipe in hand, a long stretch in your easy chair and ponder. The chill of a cold wet, winter day outside, your thoughts turn to warm memories of sunny afternoons past. Why, this football season past is right there in the forefront of your mind. Your chest swells with thoughts of CAM! BIG NO. 90 WOOOOO! NOVA IN FLIGHT! The thrill in the air, heavy with the warmth of warming warm warm War Eagles. (You hate all this cold weather, OK?) Back to the here and now, you stand and wander toward your bookshelf to pluck a favorite tome of Auburn football lore. There’s the newest book on the season here yes, yes. But wait! All that other literature needs an update! Your champions have done a rash thing and now all your reference books are obsolete in their facts! New editions all around for those books on Auburn and Auburn football if you please! Let The War Eagle Reader help update ALL REFERENCES of Auburn to include “2010 national champs.”

But to start this off, a warm-up act before really digging in.

Today’s book is “The One that Got Away: A Memoir” by Howell Raines. (“The One that Got Away” eh? Like maybe something that happened to Bama this year, hmmmm? No? It’s about fly fishing? Ohhhhhhh. Gotcha!)

Mr. Raines, former executive editor of The New York Times, has exactly one reference to Auburn, I believe, in his “a memoir”! Let the updating commence! With mighty … uh … yon red ink and quill pen? in hand, I strike!

“The One That Got Away: A Memoir”
Copyright 2006 by Howell Raines
Chapter 8: “An Evening Stroll Through the Intersection of Forty-third Street and Memory Lane”
Page 62.

“For at that time, my brother and his pals were going off either to the University of Alabama to major in something called business administration or to our state cow college [TWER's new edit suggestion for publishers Scribner: and winner of a second "national champion" in 2010, who would storm back to win the Iron Bowl of that year, 28-27, oh curses, curses on those handsome devils! ARGHHHHH!!!! RAAAAHARRRRRR!!! I broke my fan-cy typewriter in anger just then! Crap! But I digress ... ], Auburn, to major in an even more unappetizing pursuit called engineering.”

…

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* An Open Letter to the 2011 Auburn Recruiting Class
* Josh Bynes terrifies young children at Mobile Auburn Club fundraiser
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* Three-hour delay turns flight to Phoenix into Auburn pep rally
* ‘Cammy Koozie’s’ fund family’s trip to Glendale
* An interview with Auburn YouTube sensation Chris Lowe
* “Alabama Polytechnic is the best…” for Eugene Sledge in HBO’s The Pacific
* The Ron Swanson Pyramid of Auburn
* The Auburn plaque in 1984′s Tank

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This surveillance photo from the lab confirms it:

This dog is sick. Sick and angry from whatever foul emissions are wafting from that crimson-and-white rug. It burns his hide. Literally.

Dr. Martin Van Nostrum’s report will be released in the upcoming issue of Barners of Biology Bi-Monthly. We here at The War Eagle Reader learned of this study and were given an executive summary of the research.

The following images are not for the squeamish. Dr. Van Nostrum would like to note that all test subjects signed on to the research willingly in the name of Auburn science and were given cookies and belly rubs from lovely warm-handed co-eds as a stipend. But the poor animals and researchers did not fully know the repercussions.

What follows is a list of lap … er … lab subjects and the observed adverse reactions from wearing Bama gear. God help us all.

Subject No. 1716, “Tammy,” experienced problem flatulence while wearing this sweater.

This poor dog. “Skipper” experienced extreme nausea almost instantly from wearing multiple articles of Alabama clothing.

Subject 1989, “Millie,” showed signs of depression and a deep sense of loss and abandonment.

“Jack” turned to the liquid embrace of alcohol and narcotics in less than a week after wearing this hat. The dog’s look of disdain was noted in the research.

The sad case of Subject 7533. The current whereabouts of “Mike” are unknown after his escape from the lab.

The research team turned to Subject 9090 to carry on the elephant costume research. “Gretchen,” like “Mike” before, constantly fashioned nooses from rope toys. Also experienced “jimmy legs,” “phantom booze shakes” and loss of sleep.

This poor creature was a large, impressive specimen before being dressed in this elephant costume and placed in a houndstooth chair for a day. “Johnny” withered down into this animal in mere hours. The research team recoiled in horror.

The test subject experienced severe case of “evil eyes.” “Candy” could cook a turkey at 10 paces with her unholy gaze.

“Hunter” experienced extreme states of “billcurritis.” He led the Crimson Tide to a win over Mississippi State in a lab simulation. But the poor hound scared easily around bricks.

“Sandy” constantly ate grass and had uncontrollable bowel movements when put in this particular jersey and the keyword “McClover” was uttered from the scientists.

…

Keep Reading:

* Bama fans boo Auburn gymnast for striking Heisman pose
* Hit Stanley McClover in the face for discounts!
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* Mates of State’s Jason Hammel talks football
* Pat Dye responds to ‘loudmouth’ allegations from 1959
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Mr. Reporter Man! Mr. Reporter Man! I barely made it out ofGainesville with my scales intact !!! Tell the world my story!

Apparently, there was quite a gnashing of teeth from Gator Nation over the weekend because of Emmitt Smith’s 24-minute non-namedrop during his Hall of Fame induction Saturday. Smith eventually and very publicly apologized Sunday night to the University of Florida and its fans during NBC’s broadcast of the Hall of Fame preseason game:

But here’s something that I came across while combing through stories written about Auburn in the Orlando Sentinel, which has a zillion stories about Auburn’s football team for some reason, most of them focusing on the brouhaha that was Coach Terry Bowden’s firing/the reach of meddlin’ Pat Dye and Bobby Lowder/Eric Ramsey/trustees/boosters/black book/whatnot.

Check out this little interesting quote from Smith waaaaaaaaaaaay back in 1993 during the weeklong buildup before the Superbowl where the Dallas Cowboys would WALLOP the Buffalo Bills, 52-17:

“Every year I was there [at Florida], there was some kind of controversy, some kind of dark cloud hanging over us. … It was pure hell down there. … I gave that university everything I could possibly give it.”

Then, Smith mentioned his “fan” mail after he left Gator Nation before his senior season:

“Said I was sorry. Cussed me out. Told me I would never make it in the NFL.”

Yep. Gator Nation sure did send Emmitt Smith off with a nice parting gift there. No wonder he left with such sunny feelings for Gainesville.

But the best part? The very best from the Orlando Sentinel football brief?

Smith told Florida Today‘s Pete Kerasotis and several others with tape recorders he regretted going to Florida, suggesting he might have won the national title or a Heisman Trophy at run-oriented Auburn and lamenting a batch of letters with racial epithets from Gator fans when he left UF a year early.

OH YEAH!!! That’s nice. You can really feel the love there, you know? But I suggest you readers out there pair it with this, Smith’s last shot at beating Auburn, for full enjoyment:

Some of the men in Company K-3-5, 1st Marine Division. Eugene B. Sledge is in the center of the front row, with his dungaree cap pushed back; his buddy George Sarrett is behind his right shoulder. This is the company that Sledge fought with in the Pacific in World War II.

I’m kicking myself for not writing our own feature about HBO’s “The Pacific,” a series about the Marines’ experience during the Pacific theater of World War II. The series gets under way tonight and one of the main characters is E.B. Sledge, author of the incredible book “With the Old Breed.” Sledge was a native of the Mobile area and an Auburn man.

The Opelika-Auburn News posted a feature yesterday on their site.

I offered some details about him last Veterans Day and tried to point folks toward the wonderful site and archives that Auburn University keeps online.

And al.com offered a story back at the beginning of the month about Sledge and the upcoming miniseries.

Damn, that al.com story offers a haunting quote from E.B. Sledges’ son about his father:

It wasn’t horrific combat footage that upset Henry Sledge at a Hollywood screening last March. It was the likeness of his father, played by actor Joe Mazzello, breaking into tears and unable to pull the trigger at a quail hunt after the war.

“That is hard to watch, to watch your father breaking down like that,” his 42-year-old son said.

You see, when you read “With the Old Breed” you can see why E.B. Sledge would have trouble pulling that trigger. You can understand post-war why he seems to be such a gentle soul that teaches biology at the University of Montevallo. One thing comes across crystal clear when you close that book: War is hell.

Hell on Earth.

I’ll be interested in seeing how the series tonight (if I decide to order HBO today … but, man, I’ve gotta see my new hero Sledgehammer) handles the some of the horrifying things that Sledge writes about in his memoir. For example, when Sledge was involved in the campaign on Peleliu, he was deep in the shit. The hard rocky coral surface of that island made burying or moving the dead impossible with the changing battle lines and under constant heavy fire. The random, seemingly unending explosions day and night all around those guys … I can’t imagine living through that and keeping your nerves. The human costs (Japanese and Americans) of that war piled up all around the living and Sledge describes the smells and sights in a way that will churn your stomach. And please note: He doesn’t do it for a shock value. He does it so the folks back safe in the states can understand what TRULY went on during that campaign. Stinking, rotting corpses baked by the sun. Some of them were his countrymen. His brothers in the corps. Hollywood, at that time, glossed over all that.

The flies. The maggots. The land crabs eating away at the bodies. The bodies laying there for days, weeks. It is horrifying in its description. How in the hell can a person make it through something like that and not be changed or damaged?

Writing “With the Old Breed” had to be a way for Sledge to deal with what happened back on those islands. He doesn’t boast or brag. If he does brag, it is about fellow Marines. He just tells it like he saw it. I highly recommend taking the time to check his book out. It might change the way you look at war’s costs. It changed the way that I looked at some of our veterans and current, active soldiers. God, they have to be tough as nails. Tougher in spirit, mind and character than I’d ever imagine myself to be. It’s amazing. And Auburn’s lucky to have him as an alumni. Be proud Auburn!

My grandfather, Pa, passed away two weeks ago. During that war, he was a young, green Marine on a troop ship to the Philippines for training on taking the fight to mainland Japan. In the middle of the ocean, the captain came over the loudspeaker to announce that the United States had defeated Japan. The war was over. The troops were all allowed to drink two beers from the vast supply of brew being brought along with them. The captain jokingly said that if any Marine told about the celebration once they reached their destination they’d be in big trouble. That night those Marines celebrated the end of a war that could have well ended their young lives.

If it wasn’t for Sledge and the Old Breed, my Pa would have been thrown into the meatgrinder in the Pacific. I might not be here today.

Hopefully, I’ll be watching tonight and keeping a running weekly post where we can all discuss “The Pacific.”

War Eagle! And God bless Sledgehammer!

… will it be a meltdown for our Tigers? Will Auburn hold on? (Not to toot my own lucky horn here … but this will be the third game I’ve got to see … Auburn won the other two vs. LSU and Virginia.)

Is this live blogging a waste of time since it is a last-minute, unannounced exercise in futility? Let’s find out … together.

Where it stands at the half: Auburn hasn’t trailed the entire game. The score? 43-32. According to our SEC Network announcers, the Tigers are 7-0 this season when leading at the half.

How is this happening? Vandy is a HOT team coming into this game. A lot of folks have been throwing around their name as a dark horse in the SEC. A team that will probably be playing in the NCAA tourney. A team to beat.

How the hell is Auburn out rebounding Vandy 21 to 10? 21 to 10!!! They look like giants under the board! But … they look slow and unresponsive so far. Auburn is flat-out playing better.

“Cool Hand” Luke Hargrove (my boy!) is rolling with 12 points.

One thing I’m worried about … and we’ll see where it takes us in the second half: 4 points from the bench for Auburn; 8 points for Vandy.

The buzzer sounds. And here we go: THEE SECOND HALF.

WAR EAGLE! Let’s beat Vandy on the road Tigers!

Hargrove DUNKS it home! 45-32 (14 points for Luuuuuuuke!)

Bad pass inside … Vandy gets the ball but turns it right back over to the Tigers. Another bad pass inside for the Tigers and Vandy takes it down to score 45-37.

Air ball by Auburn …

Easy points by Vandy on the other end 45-39. Crap.

16:31 — Easy points inside by Auburn and then answered quickly by Vandy. Twice. 46-43. Vandy has worked it inside for easy looking buckets. Auburn has just called time out.

Vandy’s Ogilvy has come alive.

(Maybe this was a baaaaaad idea.)

11-2 run and Vandy has pulled it in close. 4 points separate these teams now.

Auburn fouled. Hit this free throws Auburn! 1 in … and that’s 2!

The crowd is quieter now. Auburn with the ball and turns it over. But the score is now 49-43. TV time out with 15:44 left in the game.

Let’s see if Auburn can stop Vandy from working it in to Ogilvy again. He has 4 points this half so far from underneath buckets.

Hargrove fouls and Vandy scores too. Drains the free throw and the Tigers only lead by 3 now. 49-46. Sullivan called for the charge on the other end. Oh no!

Reed!!!! Takes it inside for the hard layup. 51-46.

Ogilvy … Ogilvy … again with the rebound and bucket. 51-48.

6 points for Ogilvy in the second half.

Auburn’s Sullivan fouls after the Tigers score on the other end. 53-48 with 13 minutes left in the game.

The crowd is loud and back in the game. Hargrove throws it away. Auburn leads 53-50 but the momentum is swinging toward Vandy.

Easy 2 by Vandy 53-52.

Pull it together Tigers!

Vandy takes the lead with a 3-pointer … and my live feed goes out.

Tech difficulties by the SEC Network … fixed. Vandy has the lead 55-53. Vandy is playing physical and tough now.

Auburn’s Armstrong is fouled and will go to the line. TV timeout. Whew. (This is my very first time doing a live blog. It is coming off like I’m not giving very much insight and just a rundown of points scored. Sorry about that. Tough to keep your eyes on the game, think about relevant stuff and type at the same time.)

Auburn is playing sloppy ball and is being out-rebounded like crazy now. Making 1 of 2 free throws does not help.

Vandy with the ball and a 1-point lead. And my ESPN360 feed keeps going in and out! Flying blind now and waiting …

10 minutes left. Auburn trails 54-57.

ESPN360 is still not working … dang. Clearly, I’ve jinxed the whole thing. Why oh why did I decide to do this?!

Vandy is pulling away … 61-54 … It’s the Jeffery Taylor show for Vandy. In 30 seconds time Taylor has an assist, a steal and two points at the other end. Four Commodores are in double-digits now.

Tech difficulties continue apparently … but it is 63-58 Vandy with a little over 7 minutes left.

Points off the bench so far: Auburn — 9 points; Vandy — 15 points.

5 minutes left … Vandy up by 9 after AUBURN MISSES BOTH FREE THROWS. You are killing us Tigers!

Vandy by 11 … Lebo calls a timeout.

“This team [Auburn] is a little gassed.” You think?

3:21 on the clock. Auburn down by 11.

Auburn is ice cold folks. DeWayne Reed has been quiet this half. Totally opposite of his outstanding performance in the LSU game.

Auburn down by 9 with 3 minutes left.

Cool Hand Luke drains one free throw … misses the next … Auburn misses the easy bucket … Vandy passes it down for an EASY SLAM DUNK.

Another basket by Vandy … this game is over and out of hand. The 75-63.

2 minutes left. Ogilvy is fouled and at the line. Auburn is down by 9 again.

(Hey! This was a success for me since Alex P chimed in. This wasn’t for naught after all! Cheers! Alex P!)

Ogilvy with another bucket and a huuuuuge block on the other end. That dude is pretty amazing.

Ogilvy fouled by Auburn. Misses his first … misses his second. And Vandy is fouled again with 47 seconds left. Put a bullet in its brain!

Sloppy. Just sloppy. This second half is painful to watch. Thankfully it will all end soon.

Whatever dust had settled on Vandy because of not playing for a week … clearly they shook it off and strangled Auburn in the second half.

And that’s the end. Vandy 82, Auburn 74.

I’d definitely do this again. (Maybe with a lot more notice next time?) If anything this can be a placeholder for comments about the state of Auburn b-ball. Have at it!

I was foolish to think that Auburn would be able to win 2 back to back on the road. Playing Kentucky tough at home and then going on the road to beat LSU … (then whipping Vandy in the first half) I guess the Tigers had to coming crashing back to Earth sometime.

FINAL STATS AND THOUGHTS

Auburn had 7 players come off the bench … but only 3 of them put any points on the board. Vandy had 4 guys coming off the bench with 3 of them scoring 4 points or more.

Auburn actually had more rebounds … but I’m sure that Vandy had more in the second half. The Commodores worked it in down under the basket in the second half. It was like they finally realized that they had the bigger guys.

Vandy doubled the Tiger’s four steals … Vandy had 5 blocks to Auburn’s one block.

Good luck the rest of the way to Vanderbilt. They look like they could be giving the Vols and Wildcats a run for their money in the SEC East. They are now 4-0 in SEC play … but the have to play at Tennessee four days from now. Huge, huge game.

Auburn (1-4 in the SEC) now goes back home to play a #24 ranked Ole Miss team and then another home game against a Bama team that knocked off Miss St. this afternoon. Ole Miss has a 3-2 record in the SEC with a loss coming to Miss St. at home and and overtime loss at Tennessee. (Both great teams.) It doesn’t so look good for Auburn. Can Auburn take one of those games?

War Eagle! Shug Life … is … outta … herrreeeeeee.

But as the game ended:

The atmosphere in Baton Rouge wasn’t exactly intimidating last night. There were plenty of empty seats and a muted crowd in the first half of the game.

But our Auburn Tigers picked up a nifty little road win against LSU, 84-80. It is Auburn’s first SEC victory and kept them out of the SEC West cellar. Whew!

Both teams met each other with a 0-3 record in the SEC standings. Our Tigers improved to 2-3 on the road for the season (losses were to Missouri State, Florida State and Tennessee).

What can I say about DeWayne Reed? In the second half at about the 13 minute mark, with Auburn down 7 points, Reed hit two 3-pointers in a little under 6 seconds to pull Auburn within 1 point. It was clutch!

War Eagle! Beat Vandy!

[Amy Quarles with the genius illustration skillz!]

I’m afraid that a lot of our fellow Tiger fans living outside the state may not understand what you Alabama residents are going through.

Just swinging down as far south as East Tennessee during my travels over the holidays, I witnessed the dirt-road alumni of the University of Alabama drawing attention to themselves in the Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge area by way of a hounds-tooth festoonery of flags and stickers adorning their vehicles on the roadways. And most of these were Tennessee residents. It was enough to turn the stomach and rattle the soul. The bandwagon of crimson buffoonery is in high gear.

I cannot imagine how … well … EVERYTHING looks and sounds in Alabama right now. Your poor senses must be overwhelmed with the sights, sounds and, *sniff* ah yes, the smells of the Tide masses. (What is the average smell of the Bama fan? Parfum de Big Al?)

On the radio? Well, it looks like there are two songs “creatively” entitled “Roll Tide Roll” making the rounds.

Of course, I know about both songs because just about every story on the front page of al.com is devoted to the Tide.

Your television programming? Your average Tide fan is showing up in your average everyday “I tattoo my children“ news feature.

To the causal observer, they might assume that this is the Tide’s FIRST championship up for grabs. Nouveau riche much?

After the inevitable tonight, the parade of memorabilia will cascade upon our poor heads: collectible footballs, magazines, DVDs and what-not; special edition bric-a-brac; crimson whatsits; and do-hickeys that are Sabanized for your protection.

At one time, I considered myself lucky as I live in Maryland. A buffer of states keeps the crimson army away from me.

Or so it seemed. My safe harbor is being threatened.

My subscription to Sports Illustrated has been sullied. Two, count them, TWO covers with the Tide over a two-week period disturbed my comfortable and safe bubble. Daggers in the mailbox. Another such cover story is soon to follow.

Ice cream, Mandrake? Children's ice cream! ... That's the way your hard-core Commie works.

To me, the worst part is that the average Alabamian living outside its border (who in the past probably had no dog in the Bama vs. Auburn fight) are wrapping themselves in crimson in a misguided salute to their Southern roots. I don’t understand it.

Old friends and acquaintances on Facebook are constantly surprising me with their newfound love with Tide football. A recent development in their lives to be sure.

I will not watch the championship game. I’m not being a bad sport. I swear. I just can’t handle it. My stomach … my heart … cannot take one more bleat of “Yea Alabama.” I need a break from Nick Saban’s “cat that ate the canary” look of satisfaction.

Sadly, all that stands in the way of Alabama taking over the nation is a cruddy Texas Longhorns team. Is the rest of the nation ready for what we Auburn fans already know of the Tide and its peoples? The nation better root like hell for Texas to hold back the slack-jawed hordes.

In the upcoming months you can bet that Nick Saban will be with his team in the White House Rose Garden, shaking President Obama’s hand. How can I protest this event? Maybe I can hold a megaphone to my boombox and play “War Eagle” just on the other side of the fence. Our fight song’s rising, swelling notes of tiger-striped pride will drift through the garden and sully their perfect moment. In the back of their mind, they’ll know that the Tigers of Auburn will lying in wait, ready to meet them in Tuscaloosa in 2010. In the home of the enemy, the Tigers will do what they’ve always done best: knock the high and mighty off their pedestal.

“Jaws of Satan” aka “King Kobra.” (Thanks to SallyT for letting me know about the existence of this movie. I’ve actually enjoyed watching it. A lot!) Filmed in 1979. Released in 1981. I’m sure the lag time between was to let it simmer. It was undoubtedly too hot, too controversial for the general public. The movie’s shooting locations were Childersburg, Eutaw and Tucaloosa. I’ll be sure to locate any landmarks so you can be sure to hold a silent vigil at that location in this movie’s honor next time you find yourself in the Black Belt.

The movie centers around a big snake. And the devil is that big snake, or King Kobra, whatever. I think I’ve read somewhere once that Satan once took the form of a snake? I can’t seem to place where that was written.

So what happens when an Alabama town decides to build a dog racing operation? Well, according to this movie, you invite all sorts of evil and whatnot to invade your town like a boxcar hobo in the night …

So let this morality play, the never-ending battle between a big snake and a backwoods priest, begin!

(I’m using the super-secret technology War Blog Eagle uses to break down plays. Well, at least I think I am. A camera, right?)

00:00 — No expense was spared for the opening titles of “Jaws of Satan.”

00:24 — Our first victims. Notice what they are doing here. Remember the old saying and take heed: “If you’re gamblin’ man, a snake will bite you right in the face.”

00:43 — Aha! The train’s cargo? Racetrack dogs and a carnival snake. The plot thickens!

00:57 — Er … the devil? I see the eye, but where’s the titular “jaws”?

01:14 — Ooh! Ooh! Someone tell YouTube! I see boobies on the wall! Also, please take note of the correct way to drink whiskey straight from a flask: Pinkie up, like a damn gentleman.

01:17-18 — “Field life?” “Field lice?” “Feeled lice?” What?

01:50 — “We paid for the train, so damnit, film the train!”

03:03 — There they are: JAWS O’ SATAN!

03:12 — You laugh, but the air pressure change at the altitude of that boxcar would suck you out of there too.

03:28 — Notice how the greyhounds are quiet now? I think they are down the with snake’s doings.

03:43 — Jesus … this guy needs to feel the touch of a real woman badly.

04:15 — Ridiculous. You can see smudges on the glass.

04:23 — See? See? You play with dice and bingo! Snake bite right in the face. Little known fact: Snake bites sound like someone kicking a canoe. (That snake hit his/her head on that glass crazy hard. “No animals were harmed” my ass.)

05:20 — The protagonist, (Father Drinky McDrinkenstein?) is played by actor Fritz Weaver. He is “Father Tom Farrow” here. From “Gentle Ben” to “Magnum, P.I.,” Weaver has been all over television. According to imdb.com: “Since 1995, Weaver is known as the narrator of programs on the History Channel.”

06:14 — Now that’s how I like to see my priests: lonely and drunk.

06:43 — Old timey filth doodles! Snakes! A drinking, smoking Catholic priest in central Alabama! I’ve seen enough. Get me my coat and hat! We’re leaving!

07:56 — I think we have our first landmark here. Does anyone recognize this house?

08:21 — A young Christina Applegate? She’s playing “Kim Perry” in this movie.

08:41 — “Witches do a lot of good. We heal the sick. We foretell the future …” You can use us as kindling …

09:24 — The witch “Evelyn Downs” played by Diana Douglas, mother of Michael Douglas. Yes, that Michael Douglas.

09:48 — “I foresee …” a sitcom with a shoe salesman, an undersexed mother and a horndog brother.

Next: Part 2. Happy Halloween everybody!

Tubs taking the time to make Auburn fans smile on a chilly night in October 2008. The firing of Tony Franklin was behind him and a loss to West Virginia was on the horizon. Photo by Thomas Jones.

When you type the name “Ray Cotton” into the Google search engine, my little blurb from the old TWER stomping grounds from last year is the first thing that pops up. It was a comparison of Meade High School’s Raymond Cotton to Auburn alum QB Jason Campbell.

Ouch.

It’s a reminder of failure. On Tommy Tuberville’s part. On Auburn’s part. On my decision to write about the wooing. Ah yes, the failed wooing.

Didn’t John Steinbeck write an entire novella about those “best laid schemes”?

Ol’ Ray Cotton, full of promise. The quarterback recruit that went to Ole Miss instead of Auburn when the firing/resigning of Tommy Tuberville went down last year. I guess he’s coming with his fellow Rebels to Jordan-Hare this weekend? I hope he doesn’t make it on the field.

Please, please, please, please for the love of all things holy and good don’t let the score allow him make it out on the field, Tigers.

I haven’t really addressed it, but I thought last year when I went with two friends to hunt down Tommy Tuberville on his recruiting trip in Maryland, well, I thought I had reached the pinnacle of bloggerdom: With my head in the clouds, I talked with the coach and saw him in action on the recruiting trail. Tuberville was in Maryland on a Friday night during the Tigers’ off week. He was there, down the sideline a bit, watching the heralded QB. It happened a year plus a few days ago. At the time, Tony Franklin had just been fired and the FAILURE of the West Virginia game was a week away. Things were already unraveling

(Here’s Part One, Two and Three of that series from last year.)

Tuberville didn’t know that I was writing anything for TWER about our interaction. It was a little dumb/shady on my part. I don’t think I did anything really underhanded or anything. I just used my access as an Auburn fan, approaching the coach to shoot the breeze. I just took mental notes. Lots of mental notes with fingers twitching for a keypad. Why shouldn’t I be able to relate to you, the reader, what I experienced that night?

Anyway, looking back at that night now, I feel a little foolish. But how was I to know about what would transpire in the months ahead? No one did.

The guys that I saw that cool October evening? James Willis, Tuberville and Cotton. I thought I was looking at Auburn’s past, present and future all combined into something wonderful. But all those three were later to be pushed away from Auburn, left on their own or traitorously slid away into the arms of Nick Saban. You can call it whatever you want to call it.

But I am writing about this just to make note of how quickly and violently things can change. I thought I was there at the start of something special. But little did I know that what I was really seeing was the end of it.

I don’t blame Cotton at all for his commitment switcheroo. Without any allegiance to the Tigers, would you throw your hat into the chaos and that was Auburn football in December and January? Things looked scary.

Cotton could very well be a bust. And his fortunes are tied with Houston Nutt now.

But our quarterback of the future is Tyrik Rollison and not Cotton. And Rollison is definitely the bigger catch.

Give me Gus Malzahn directing Rollison’s charge.

Maybe it will all work out for the better, just not the way that it was envisioned. Actually, it turned out to be about as far from that original vision as one can get. It’s weird how that works.

But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

– from “To A Mouse, on Turning Her Up in Her Nest, with the Plough” by Robert Burns

After a few hours of research I’ve come to a disappointing conclusion: No full-length horror movies have ever been filmed in the Auburn-Opelika area. Ain’t that a shame? Here it is, nearly Halloween, and I’m itching for some B-movie horror. I thought it would be neat if there was something gruesome filmed near campus to watch and write about. But we are all out of luck. The closest locale to Auburn that served as the setting to beautiful, bloody chaos is down the road a bit in LaGrange, Ga. There was a remake/sequel of “Two Thousand Maniacs” filmed there. (“Two Thousand Maniacs” is one of my absolute favorite movies, starring 1963 Playboy Playmate Connie Mason and produced by Alabama’s own David F. Friedman.) “2001 Maniacs” was filmed in LaGrange in 2005. I haven’t seen it. But I will soon and I’ll try to see if there are any Auburn connections, like theater majors as extras.

So, disappointed in the lack of filmed gore in Auburn, I went searching the interwebs for any other horror movies filmed in Alabama. And I can’t believe that what www.imdb.com is telling me: The first horror movie filmed in Alabama occurred in 1980. That just can’t be right. (Someone out there clue us all in if that is totally wrong. It has to be!)

I took the time to go through all the listed movies on the information site, organized by filming locations from Alabaster to Woodville. What I’ve gleaned: In 1980, parts of “Death Ship” were filmed in Mobile and Dauphin Island. And I don’t even know if that counts. Because, really, it looks like it was filmed mostly in the waters off Mobile and Dauphin Island.

So, here’s the trailer:

Oh, it looks horrible. The horror.

George Kennedy, what are you doing here, sir? You won an Oscar in “Cool Hand Luke” in 1967. But I guess in Hollywood, 13 years is a lifetime.

It appears that Netflix does not carry this movie. A shame. I can’t give you a proper report on this. Hopefully, my “research” in the future will not encounter this visual roadblock too often.

And the DVD company, www.xploitedcinema.com, listed on the trailer clip seems to not carry this movie anymore.

There are some copies of the movie floating around in VHS format on Amazon.com, but if you think I’m that devoted to seeing this movie, well, I’m just not going to go that far.

But here’s the synopsis from Rotten Tomatoes:

The passengers of an ocean liner are having a great time — that is, until their boat collides with a World War II vessel that’s rife with demonic [Nazi] ghosts. When the surviving passengers board the haunted freighter, they find that they must oppose the evil forces that drive the vessel to demolish other boats.

I’ll have more Alabama horror films in this space in the days ahead, starting with some flicks from the ’80s.

On the menu for TWER? We have three films:

• 1984′s “What Waits Below” with cave scenes filmed in Woodville, Ala.
• 1987′s “The Lost Boys” (?!?!?), another personal fave, had a scene filmed at the Bayou Canot train trestle. I’m thinking it might be the scene where Michael first discovers that he’s a vampire and can fly.
• 1988′s “Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood” was filmed in and around Mobile — specifically, Bay Minette, Mobile, Point Clear and Stockton.

If you have any info on the filming of these movies or anyone that worked on or acted in them please send ‘em my way or share them in the comments below.

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