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Leaves of Turf: 50 Ways To Run Your Offense

Editor’s note: I’ve been asked to speak about TWER a fair amount recently and whenever I get around to the part about how awesome it is, how varied its content, I inevitably mention the work of Amorak Huey, a creative writing professor who wrote for TWER a poem about every game of Auburn’s 2010 season. We called it Leaves of Turf because we’re awesome, if you’ll remember. Now the ‘Rak is Back, harnessing his muse on stuff equally important. Last week he wrote a poem about Brian VanGorder. This week? Scot Loeffler (with apologies to Paul Simon).


“The problem is that wacky spread,” Coach Chizik said.
“Football is easy if you take it at less breakneck speed.
We must give our own defense time to breathe,
there must be 50 ways to run this offense.”

Which means: Hop on the bus, Gus,
and take a hike, Mike.
You’re dead, spread.

Now block all day, Jay.
Learn doubletime, O-line.
Be ready to play, Bray.
Shake and bake, Blake.
Get workin’, Lutzenkirchen.

Time to go pro-style, Kiehl,
you won’t need to rush much –
this worked in Michigan, man.

So hit the spot, Scot,
it’s time to see what we’ve got.


Amorak Huey didn’t go to Auburn, but he did have a fake Auburn ID so he could sit in the Jordan-Hare student section throughout his college years. A graduate of Birmingham-Southern College, Amorak spent fifteen years as a newspaper reporter and editor at papers in Florida, Kentucky and Michigan. Two years ago, he left his job as assistant sports editor at The Grand Rapids Press to take a position teaching writing at Grand Valley State University. He holds an MFA in creative writing from Western Michigan University, and his poetry has appeared in a number of literary journals. He lives in East Grand Rapids, Mich., with his wife and two children. You can find him online at www.amorakhuey.net.

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