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Pretty Fly For A WiFi—Campus Newton reconnects with the Auburn airwaves

Campus Newton is a collaborative column (and podcast) by Alex Miller and Justin Lee, two Auburn students giving you an eye to the life and times on the Plains in 2012. Well, Alex is at home in Birmingham for the summer. But still.

The password? Connecting Octavia Spencer in six degrees.

After the resounding success of our first exploration into the Auburn airwaves, it only made sense that we return to signal searching on the streets of the city once again to find out more about our neighbors and community. Like our first venture,  we discovered even more movie references and personal messages that proud Auburn citizens click every time they log on to the world wide web. Like plastic political yard signs and fantasy football team names, network names are the ways in which everyone can leave their mark, broadcasting whatever they feel to every neighbor and smartphone-bearing guest.

This time we traveled to the Opelika Road-ish side of town, picking up signals from several close-to-campus apartment complexes, most notably (on a good nip tip) Creekside (or as at least one wireless resident calls it, Fratside), which is evidently home to celebs Morgan Freeman, Kevin Bacon, Peyton Manthing (YES!) and (the other) Kenny Rogers—at least that’s who we’re assuming is catching waves from Cecil Newton’s Traphouse. God, it was a gold mine (more like Freak Side).

Here are the best few, or at least the censored few, that we could publish, below.

Like the Seriously Barrett Sucks and Feed the Reeds from our last survey, those who are All In weren’t hard to find:

All In

Saban sucks

Fearless and True

Buck Fama

Team Blue

War Damn Champs

War Damn Internet 2

War Damn Internet 5

The toomer ladies have aids*

Same with the nerds:

Daedric_Artifact

TeleportationStation

Wingardium Leviosa

To Infinity and Beyond

Skyship

A series of tubes

These were more classic examples of diversion tactics, when password-protecting your signal just isn’t enough:

FBI Surveillance Van 12

CIA mainframe

Gettoffourinternetjackass

Linksys Keg (reverse psychology!)

There are your aforementioned celebrities:

KevinBacon

MorganFreeman

Sherlock

The Real Larry Birds

Grandpa

OJ and BBQ

Bigtuna

Mighty Man

Tyler’s Awesome Wifi (left off the “Perry”)

Refrigerator (forgot the “Perry”)

Oh, and we may have finally found those Forestry majors:

Wood

Green Deer

And the vet school vets. Maybe.

Dove Love & Panda Hugs

Meow House

MeowMeown66

Monkey Wireless

We also found some aspiring art majors, (words aren’t enough for porn addicts):

(-)(-)…boobies

DoubleDs

Pong Lenis

Peyton Manthing

Wireless Girls

FloppyHo

And I think you’ll be able to tell which of these next ones we also found at Creekside:

Fratside

Polo and Pearls

Schwasted

Swag Central

Club 1218 24/7/365

Ham is gay

The Wild Thangs

Natty

However, eventually it got to a point where it was hard to put any of them together in one category. It was hard to imagine all of them lived within range of each other, actually:

Krustykrab

Sh*t n sparkles

Yo Motha

Watanuki

Small Moose

Griffnasty

Yankee4Life

HairNet

Too Fly for My Wifi

Cutiepatootie

Burgaz

Typhoon

SNEAKERHEAD

Parentals

Where’s Charles?

SuckitTrebek

JustLikeButter

… and lastly, and most yesly, Cecil Newton’s Traphouse. Whatever that’s supposed to mean.

* Please keep the Toomer ladies in your thoughts and prayers.

Related: The WiFi Network Names of Auburn — Vol. I.

Keep Reading:

* Lee Ziemba’s new tattoo
* 1994 Playboy photo shoot in Jordan-Hare
* Natalie Rivera, star of Glee, wears Auburn shirt in Maxim photo spread
* The Iron Bowl according to Big Fish
* Wonder Woman, Joan from Mad Men, Dr. Girlfriend… all Auburn fans
* Auburn’s first nude model tells all
* Star of Best Worst Movie won’t let you piss on Cam Newton

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About Alex Miller and Justin Lee

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