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T-Pain all up in “Auuuubrin”

John Denver supposedly said "Hello, Albany!"

I went. I saw. I tried to enjoy. I felt shame. T-Pain’s music is like packing peanuts—there’s a lot of it floating around, it’s pointless, it’s destroying the environment and it contains no substance; it might also cause cancer. More research is needed.

To his credit, he did portray himself as a positive role model. Apparently he has a wife and three kids. But that doesn’t get noticed, because “he’s not an a-hole.” He then preceded to gyrate and air hump to heart-shaking bass while asking the ladies present to take their “mother flippin shirts off,” because he “know(s) you don’t care when your t*****s everywhere.” He also refers to himself as “Teddy Pederast” earlier in the song. Several of the ladies of Auburn responded by booty dancing in groups of three and four, giggling, the tag-along boy who’s trying to get with one or all recording it all via his smartphone for Facebook.

Though I think T-Pain’s request for shirtless single ladies might have been a metaphor. He seems fairly self-aware. At one point he said he needed to slow down because “he’s so fat and tired.” I don’t think he actually wanted any shirts to come off, especially not at 8:30 on a Thursday night outside the Student Center. The many cops present would not have approved.

T-Pain was kind enough to give the crowd a “War Eagle” and a “Let’s get this party started, Auuuuuubrin!!!” I would’ve joined in and responded to the repeated hand-waving requests, but I was outside the official UPC-sanctioned zone. To pass the metal barrier surrounding the stage, you had to have an Auburn student ID and sign a waiver. Not sure why the waiver was needed, but if I had to guess I’d say to protect the University in the event of hearing loss from exposure to the speakers and amps, which looked to be almost two stories, and/or plausible deniability for if and when T-Pain or one of his posse introduces bodily fluid to the crowd.

I dipped after four or five songs. The bass was enjoyable, but I was too far away to get caught up in crowd dancing, and the person who invited me was there ironically, which isn’t always very much fun. Just kinda sad really.

A lot of people seemed to be enjoying themselves. In the right mood (drunk and near the stage probably), it would’ve been a lot of fun. All but one or two of the songs I heard were his collaborative efforts. T-Pain would yell his part to the electronic duet of Kanye or Lil’ Wayne or Akon.

Such is a typical Auburn UPC event.

Also this:

Dear Auburn Students,

As you know, Coach Chizik challenged the Auburn Family to go All-In last week for the Clemson game.  You, our student body, answered the call by showing up early, staying late, and being loud throughout the game.  This Saturday, No. 12 South Carolina is visiting Jordan-Hare Stadium at 6:45 p.m. in a game that will be televised nationally by ESPN.  Due to the magnitude of this game and the expected student turnout, we will open the student gates at Jordan-Hare Stadium at 4:15 p.m., 30 minutes earlier than normal, to allow students more time to enter the stadium and find a seat.

We have set aside a limited number of seats in the east upper deck that we are making available to you, our students, as an alternate option to sitting in the student section.  If you would prefer to sit in the east upper deck in an assigned seat where it is not as crowded, you can pick up a voucher at the Auburn Athletics Ticket Office, located at the Auburn Arena, on Friday between 8 a.m. – 4:30 p.m., on Saturday between 10 a.m. – 4 p.m., or at the student concourse of Jordan-Hare Stadium starting at 4:15 p.m.  Students who choose the option to sit in the east upper deck, must present a valid Auburn Ignited card at the Ticket Office.  Students using these vouchers must enter the stadium through the student entrance gates and present their valid Auburn Ignited card to gain entry to the stadium (a valid Auburn Ignited card is required for all students entering Jordan-Hare Stadium).  Students with the voucher will then proceed to the south end of the student concourse to the ramp that leads to the upper deck, show their voucher and gain access to the ramps leading up to the east upper deck.

Auburn Athletics Department

Ben is a student at Auburn University. Most of his time is spent doing as little as possible, eating, and controlling manageable vices. He will one day graduate with a degree in journalism and maybe find a job. Fingers crossed. Write to him at thepigskinpathos@yahoo.com. (Did you read his story ‘The Mysterious Auburn Man”? It was reprinted in the winter issue of Auburn Magazine).

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