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Old-media jort enthusiast gets pwned by Ben B@rtley’s ‘chalk-white carcass’

"These old fogies seem to think the supposed Internet generation is a giant herd of social maladroits rapidly clicking between videos of explosions and flash-based Facebook games, switching sites every five seconds to satisfy their ever-shrinking attention spans."

The most puzzling aspect to Atlanta Journal-Constitution sports columnist Mark Bradley’s breakdown of the SEC’s Most Obnoxious Fans, other than the guilt-by-association pathology behind his booyah of Bobby Lowder (“the world’s worst fan”? — Bernie Madoff is a Bama frat boy), is his peculiar belief that Auburn fans “still worship at the tainted feet of Pat Dye,” the obvious rebuttal of which is easily the funniest part of our own Ben Bartley‘s uncredited retort — headlined Old School Media be hatin’ — in this week’s Plainsman editorial.

Once you read the whole thing, you’ll know that’s saying a lot.

Mark Bradley of the Atlanta-Journal Constitution, who finds jorts “hysterically funny” and “More cowbell!!” edgy Internet humor, has declared himself an enemy of Auburn.

Bradley, a self-proclaimed “blogging fool,” blogged Auburn to be the most obnoxious fans in the SEC, even though the AJC blog poll ranked Auburn sixth. (Are you blogging yet?)

Yep, ahead of Alabama, ahead of Florida, even ahead of LSU, who finished at No. 6.

His reasons: “Because Tiger fans still worship at the tainted feet of Pat Dye… run off coaches on a whim… grown as arrogant as Alabama backers without one-tenth the justification… still whining over the national championship they didn’t win in 2004… Because the world’s worst fan—the Montgomery banker Bobby Lowder—is an Auburn man.”

At the risk of joining the ranks of sports demagogues: Is that all? Worship at the “tainted feet of Pat Dye?” Auburn fans certainly respect and appreciate Dye’s time as Auburn’s coach, but we don’t worship the man. No more than Tennessee worships Johnny Majors, Florida Steve Spurrier and certainly less than Alabama fans worship the chalk-white carcass of Bear Bryant.

[Note to TWER contributors: updated style manuals will be mailed soon, but “chalk-white carcass of” should now precede any reference to Bear Bryant.]

Young Bartley, the paper’s opinion editor, goes on to call Rick Reilly and Paul Finebaum “senile shysters,” and refers to Skip Bayless as an “old dumbass” in what may be the greatest Plainsman editorial and most hilarious indictment of “convergence journalism” – defined by Ben as “old-school newspaper columnists and reporters” trying “to get ‘their blog on,’ as they’d probably say” – of all time. Or at least a while.

Rumor has it that Ben is currently persona non grata within establishment pockets at Student Center 1111; he remains our hero.

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About Jeremy Henderson

Jeremy Henderson is the editor of The War Eagle Reader and co-host of Rich and Jeremy in the Mornings on Wings 94.3 FM in Auburn. Follow him on Twitter: @wareaglereader / @jerthoughts / @RichandJeremy

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