I was a huge nut for G.I. Joe toys as a kid. But for some reason I forgot all about Auburn’s contribution to G.I. Joe collection of heroes, Beach Head aka Wayne R. Sneeden. (Remember? G.I. Joe stats and info came on the back of the action figures’ boxes for those Readers old enough. Or maybe young enough? The live-action movie did come out last year and all, and I’m sure there was a TOYS TOYS TOYS blitz that accompanied it). I came across Beach Head’s Wikipedia entry looking for Auburn-related things:
Beach Head’s real name is Wayne R. Sneeden. He was born and raised in Auburn, Alabama, living in abject poverty; this led to him being bullied and tormented by his classmates and peers throughout his growing years. In hopes of becoming more than what those taunted him believed he could be, Sneeden became an overachiever and ended up the valedictorian of his high school through hard work, unwavering discipline, and his keen mind.
Sneeden? That last name is too perfect. It just conjures images of Alabama backwoods kinfolk out of thin air for me. I also feel that someone with the last name of Sneeden has a better-than-good chance of being arrested for running a shake-and-bake meth cooking operation out of their Ford Bronco.
In other words, the fictional Wayne Sneeden is lucky to have escaped into the arms of the U.S. Army and Team Joe with all his teeth … or did he? What lies under the green mask? I’d be afraid you’d pull it off to be greeted with AAAAAAAKKKK!!! black-and-yellowed teeth the size of corn niblets!
For some reason, Sneeden skipped attending Auburn University (mind is “keen”, but not tooooo keen) …
Seeking the next challenge, he enlisted in the US Army, where he went through Airborne and Ranger school Ft. Benning, Georgia. After he completed training there, he went onto join Central America’s Covert Ops as an Observer/Advisor. After his training in Central America, he returned to Ft. Benning as a lane instructor.
Love the tough-and-Southern accent here:
And who was Beach Head fighting against? There was also that group of baddies with the ruthless terrorist organization Cobra called the “Crimson Guard.” They were told what to do by twin circus freaks riding a four-wheeler.
Were their names Nabas and Saban? I can’t recall exactly.
But that sounds about right.
* Secondhand Shug
* Smithsonian Magazine photographs kid in Auburn hat at Texas prom
* The WiFi Network Names of Auburn
* Auburn’s Legend of Zelda
* Pat Sullivan orders a “Wishbone T” on Bob Hope
* “Cougar Town” star gets Glom’ed
* Auburn’s new Miss USA
* Former Nitro Girl recalls time at Auburn
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Foy Onion says
Beach Head was my favorite Joe when I was a kid just because of this. I remember being incredibly excited when I first saw Auburn listed as his hometown on the bio card.
As a reader of the comic book I can also tell you how disappointed I was when Grunt retired from G.I. Joe and returned to civilian life as a student at (gag) Georgia Tech.
Ha ha! I guess I can see Grunt going to GT. I stopped reading the comic about the time of Cobra Commander’s death (or maybe he didn’t really die … I didn’t keep reading). But I loved the Marvel comic too.
Foy Onion says
He didn’t die! He went on the run with Destro and discovered his long lost son. That’s about the time that I stopped reading it as well. Event at 11 years old I knew a goofy story line when I saw one. How I remember this from a comic I haven’t read in nearly 24 years is beyond me.
You made me all nostalgic, and when I get nostalgic I just gots to google. Looky what I found.
“I also feel that someone with the last name of Sneeden has a better-than-good chance of being arrested for running a shake-and-bake meth cooking operation out of their Ford Bronco.”
“Ah hope yew bofe get fleas!!”
Outside of Rogue from the X-Men (Mississippi), there has never been a single respectable non-overly-stereotyped superhero from the South, ever. And Gambit and Brother VooDoo and all the other extremely Cajun heroes hailing from the deepest swamps of Louisiana don’t count, either.
Van Plexico says
That’s a good point about no non-stereotyped superhero characters from the South. Now I feel kinda guilty that none of my own characters in my semi-popular superhero novel series are from the Deep South– though their HQ is in Virginia, if that counts anymore.
If you can’t find a Southern superhero to support, you could maybe at least support a Southern (& Auburn grad) superhero *writer*! 🙂
Foy Onion — That is awesome. I think I had a little card file to keep mine in too.
Ben — Thanks!
AubOrange — That’s a good point. I can’t think of any either!
Van Plexico — You, sir, are a Renaissance Man! Wow. I’ll have to check out all your various sites and projects.
Auburn Elvis says
Nice video. Beachhead throws a mean bomb (yuk, yuk). It’s a shame he went straight into the Army, ’cause Pat Dye coulda used a QB with an arm like that.
Bill McGee says
It’s Tomax and Xamot dude!
Johnny b says
Here’s another important aspect:
The following was posted on my Facebook page:
Marc Blumberg Went to the SC – Auburn game at Auburn last night. I wish we won the game but the Auburn experience could not have been nicer. Clean campus, polite fans, great traffic management, all very first class. Head and shoulders above any other SEC environment I’ve experienced. (No, I’ve not been to the Grove yet.)
about an hour ago ·
Adam B says
As a life-long Auburn fan, I’m proud to say that I own an unopened Beachhead action-figure from the 25th Anniversary line. When I saw him hanging in WalMart next to a large crystal football, I knew I just couldn’t leave an Auburn man behind.
His accent sounds like the over the top Nicholas Cage accent from ‘Con-Air’
AubOrange- Bart Allen (The Flash) was from Alabama. I don’t remember exactly where, though.
Nancy Cooper says
Guys are so weird. Action figures, my bootie. Those are all dolls. D-O-L-L-S. And they must bow before the queen of all dolls, Barbie. My favorite was Dancin’ P.J. (Does dropping the “g” mean she’s Southern too?) An orange Spandex and sheer mini dress with gold lame’ boots and a purple suede vest with long fringe. Also seventh-grade-blue eye shadow and beads in her hair. My brother’s GI Joe had the hots for her, but she couldn’t look at him because he was going bald in patches. Mom still has her stashed somewhere. http://www.fashion-doll-guide.com/Barbie-PJ-Doll.html
folks should start wearing that mask at games next year.