Beach Head… the Joe from Auburn

Your typical Auburn townie.

I was a huge nut for G.I. Joe toys as a kid. But for some reason I forgot all about Auburn’s contribution to G.I. Joe collection of heroes, Beach Head aka Wayne R. Sneeden. (Remember? G.I. Joe stats and info came on the back of the action figures’ boxes for those Readers old enough. Or maybe young enough? The live-action movie did come out last year and all, and I’m sure there was a TOYS TOYS TOYS blitz that accompanied it). I came across Beach Head’s Wikipedia entry looking for Auburn-related things:

Beach Head’s real name is Wayne R. Sneeden. He was born and raised in Auburn, Alabama, living in abject poverty; this led to him being bullied and tormented by his classmates and peers throughout his growing years. In hopes of becoming more than what those taunted him believed he could be, Sneeden became an overachiever and ended up the valedictorian of his high school through hard work, unwavering discipline, and his keen mind.

Sneeden? That last name is too perfect. It just conjures images of Alabama backwoods kinfolk out of thin air for me. I also feel that someone with the last name of Sneeden has a better-than-good chance of being arrested for running a shake-and-bake meth cooking operation out of their Ford Bronco.

In other words, the fictional Wayne Sneeden is lucky to have escaped into the arms of the U.S. Army and Team Joe with all his teeth … or did he? What lies under the green mask? I’d be afraid you’d pull it off to be greeted with AAAAAAAKKKK!!! black-and-yellowed teeth the size of corn niblets!

For some reason, Sneeden skipped attending Auburn University (mind is “keen”, but not tooooo keen) …

Seeking the next challenge, he enlisted in the US Army, where he went through Airborne and Ranger school Ft. Benning, Georgia. After he completed training there, he went onto join Central America’s Covert Ops as an Observer/Advisor. After his training in Central America, he returned to Ft. Benning as a lane instructor.

Love the tough-and-Southern accent here:

And who was Beach Head fighting against? There was also that group of baddies with the ruthless terrorist organization Cobra called the “Crimson Guard.” They were told what to do by twin circus freaks riding a four-wheeler.

Were their names Nabas and Saban? I can’t recall exactly.

But that sounds about right.

Keep Reading:

* Secondhand Shug
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Auburn’s new Miss USA
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