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First Rounding with Thor!

Thor Burk, our resident NFL expert, comes off the bench with the best inner-monologue’ing of the NFL Draft in history. Eat your heart out, ESPN or whoever.

... who will not be accused of raping girls in bathrooms."

A quick word on Roethlisberger:  great job by the NFL in suspending him.  He walks like a duck and talks like a duck and they punished him like a duck.  I’m glad that Goodell isn’t just relying on the law to punish his players for him.  The Steelers are supposedly asking for a top ten pick; I’d love to see the Raider’s trade for him and then the Steeler’s trade for Jason Campbell.

Also, yeah, after this, Tebow’s stock had to have gone up a little…

1 – Rams on the clock:

Bradford is the obvious pick here, but he reminds me so much of Tim Couch, with the statuesque posture in the pocket and the earhole throwing motion.  I’m not a fan of any of the top couple of QBs and I would have gone with one of the DTs.  Steve Young mentions he may not have that QB personality which was also Couch’s downfall.

2 – Lions on the clock:

And we are rolling quickly with the picks tonight. It’s Ndomination Suh and it’s a smart pick if they use him right: #1 player on most everyone’s draft board, he’s a gap tackle and if he has a good nose next to him he will have a fantastic career.  If he has to play on the nose I worry that he won’t be nearly as dominant as he could be.

3 – Buccaneers on the clock:

Would every Auburn fan lose it if they took Spiller here?  Not that there’s any chance that’s going to happen.  Personally I’d like to see them take Okung because they need a LT. Donald Penn shouldn’t be a starter.

It’s Gerald McCoy, which to me isn’t a huge need.  They have Ryan Sims who is serviceable and Chris Hovan who is getting older, but both can play.  To me, there were much more pressing needs.  That being said, he’ll start Day 1 and both Dre Moore or Roy Miller, two young 2nd year players, should keep their jobs and one of the older guys will be gone.

4 – Redskins on the clock:

Dan Snyder is an idiot, but Shanahan is running the show now so let’s see if they make a smart pick.

Trent Williams, OT out of Oklahoma.  I like Okung a little more, but in my opinion it was very smart to get that tackle and avoid the fan pressure to take an overrated Eric Berry.  Williams has played all over the line so that versatility should help him find a quick spot in Washington.  Mel seems to think it’s a negative to try to move him to LT.

5 – Chiefs on the clock:

Eric Berry is happy on the phone so we are assuming he’s the pick.  Berry is an athletic and very smart safety, but his size and style worries me.  He plays all over the place with reckless abandon and may hurt himself one day.  Gruden says he could play corner and I agree.  Kiper agrees with me about him maybe not standing up to the rigors of an NFL schedule.

6 – Seahawks on the clock:

Seattle needs a lot.  They need a receiver, an OT, a QB, on offense.  Let’s see if that’s the side of the ball they lean to… you know Pete Carroll wants some weapons.

Young seems to think it’ll be Okung, and I’d like to see it.  Kiper says Okung is better than Trent Williams who was just drafted by the Skins. I agree.

Oooh… Gruden throws Spiller out there, I like it.  I also like the Phish Food my wife just brought me.
And it’s Okung, good choice by one of my least favorite teams.

7 – Browns on the clock:

Cleveland is a mess and Jerome Harrison may have had a few big games, but that was a fluke.  James Davis is there, so that would be interesting to reunite the two.  Will Holmgren rebuild around a QB or a TB?  They have some guys at QB and if it were me, I would go with Spiller.  They may think they can get a more well rounded starting back (like Ben Tate) with one of their next two picks.

The experts are saying CB, but I really don’t like any of them this early.  Since they traded Kamerion Wimbley for a third round pick, Derrick Morgan would be a good pick if they choose to go Defense.

The pick is Joe Haden… eh, c’est la vie.  He’s not too big and he’s not too fast, and he doesn’t have good character.  It was early in my opinion.

8 – Raiders are on the clock:

Without the Raiders and the Redskins the draft wouldn’t be nearly as fun.  Let’s see if they draft someone way out of line like Tebow.  No one knows what they’re going to do.  Some are saying QB, but it can’t be.

Rolando McClain, it’s early but it’s a fantastic pick.  Plus he gets to stay in the service of the forces of evil, so it’s not a huge change for him.  Kiper’s flipping out over it, but it’s solid with the Raiders building a fantastic LB corps in their new 3-4.

9 – Bills on the clock:

Bills are moving quick, is it a trade?

Nope they took Spiller, and there’s my first WTF moment of the night.  Spiller is a great player but with the TBs they have they didn’t need him.  Plus they are a bad team that needs help everywhere.   It’s just not my philosophy to stack in one area when you are so deficient in others.  Crazy.  Gruden mentions Marshawn Lynch and some off the field trouble – I must have missed something there.  Berman talks about how they have two great KRs now in Roscoe Parrish and Spiller. Maybe they’re game planning around the defense giving up a lot of scores.

I was hoping they were trading for Roethlisberger.

10 – Jaguars are on the clock:

Tebow is watching the draft in Jacksonville, wishful thinking…
They traded Groves who wouldn’t fit in, so will they go with a DE like Derrick Morgan?  Or a hometown kid like Pierre-Paul?

Tyson Who? Tyson Alualu DT out of Cal.

Wow, a second round pick goes in the top 10.  Were they that desperate for a DT?  Kiper gives me an idea – he’s a smaller DT, and could be playing end in a 3-4?  Seems like a pretty bad pick to me.

11 – Denver trades with the 49ers, they are on the clock:

They gave up a 4th to move two spots. I’ve seen worse trades but the Broncos definitely get the better of it.

Th 9ers use their pick on Anthony Davis of Rutgers.  He’s a little raw.  Did they think that the Dolphins were going to draft an OT at 12 when they have a franchise one in Jake Long?  Little goofy, but it was a cheap price.   Kiper’s not happy with it but he’s going to fill a hole to play RT since they have Joe Staley at LT.

12 – Another trade, Chargers have traded with the Dolphins and are on the clock:

Berman seems to think HB with Ryan Matthews which would make sense with the Smurf as their starting TB.  Matthews is the best feature back in the draft so if they really want him they made a good move.  Mortensen thinks its Matthews.

The pick is Ryan Matthews.  Good job, he should be the #1 guy from Day 1.  It was a huge need for them and they got the best true back in the draft.  Interested to see what the Dolphins got in the trade.  They got 28th, 40th, and a 4th.  Good trade for them.

13 – Broncos are on the clock:

13 – Or not, another trade, Eagles on the clock:

Philly gave up two 3rd round choices, a big price to make this jump.  Denver is making out like fricking bandits in these trades.  Everyone thinks the pick is Earl Thomas, the safety out of Texas.  They have 3 FSs on the roster and Sean Jones is a serviceable starter; he should stay and the other two should get cut.  Making assumptions b/c the pick isn’t in yet.  MLB is a huge need, but McClain is gone, OLB has been a need forever, DE, frankly SS is a bigger need than FS to me.  They don’t really need anybody on offense unless they take a developmental QB late.

Brandon Graham, DE Michigan.  Why, when Derrick Morgan is still out there?  Gruden loves it… I’m seeing a theme there.  Graham has great size and speed combination. Not the best instincts but he’s a good player.  They’re saying OLB. I’ll have to look more into that later.

14 – Seattle is back on the clock.

They took the OT with their first pick, and they should probably go with a DE to mix it up with Lawrence Jackson who doesn’t impress me.  The experts like Thomas and that makes a whole lot of sense too.

Earl Thomas is the pick.  That gives Seattle two good safeties that can really cover the field.  Neither will be very good in run defense though.

15 – NY Giants on the clock:

And the crowd goes wild… but I can’t make out what they are chanting… I think it’s Derrick Morgan.

Glaring needs for me are RT, OLB, SS.  But who is out there?  Could be Sergio Kindle. Kiper seems to think they want a DT and then they would probably go with the Williams kid from Tennessee.  Didn’t realize the Giants finished 30th in D last year.

BTW, Jimmy Clausen is probably going to sliiiiide for a while now.

It looks like it’s going to be Jason Pierre-Paul, but will he play OLB or DE?  The Giants have two good starting DE’s in Tuck and Umenyora (sp?) and a good backup in Kiwanuka.  If he is going to play DE, then this pick bothers me.  Mortensen is suggesting that the Giants are shopping Osi Umenyora.

Oh, and guess what, Gruden loves it.

16 – Titans are on the clock:

I’m going to turn into a broken record on Derrick Morgan, but he can’t get past Tennessee.

And I’m right.  Titans get good value here; not only is he a complete, well rounded player, but he’s also very durable.

17 – 49ers are on the clock:

They went OT with their first pick; they could stick with the offense and go WR which is a big need for them. Instead they stay on the OL and take the monster Samoan out of Idaho, Mike Iapatua.

18 – Steelers are on the clock:

Is it bad that I thought they were chanting “rapist”?

Quick pick, Maurkice Pouncey C out of Florida.  Solid player, but he won’t start.  Justin Hartwig is a very good center and has another few years in him.  Pouncey should be the future for Pittsburgh and he has versatility to back up other positions.  Smart pick if you ignore the need at WR, since they traded Santonio Holmes. But they would have gotten a lot of crap for taking Dez Bryant, who has his own off the field issues.

19 – Falcons on the clock:

Rolling right along, another quick pick as the Falcons take Sean Witherspoon. It’s a little early but he’s a fantastic player.  I was hoping he would slide to my Saint’s at 32, so it stings a little that he goes to our rivals in Atlanta.

20 – Texans on the clock:

Need a CB, a weakside LB, a DE, too early for a TE or a G.  Let’s see if they go CB.

And they do go CB, which was probably the biggest need.  Maybe it’s my Auburness, but I just don’t see it with Jackson.  They just showed a clip where he got beaten so bad he was in perfect position to pick of a pass where the QB got hit as he threw a dead duck.

21 – Bengals on the clock:

Erin Andrews is worried about Clausen.  Who’s the new cheesecake hanging out at Colt McCoy’s house?  I don’t know her.

Is it too early for a TE?  Cincinnati hasn’t been happy with Chase Coffman.

Yes, Jermaine Gresham is the pick. Without the injuries he’s one of the best TE’s that’s come out in the last 3 years.  If he can stay healthy, this is a great pick.

22 – Patriots trade their pick to the Broncos:

Denver has been watching someone fall, I can feel it.  They need a G, an OT, a WR.  Josh McDaniels won’t like Dez Bryant’s attitude, so I don’t see that being the pick.  On D they really need DE’s, a SS would be nice like Taylor Mays, a CB opposite Champ would be smart too.  Who’s it going to be?

Demaryius Thomas, WR Georgia Tech.  I told you they wouldn’t take Bryant. So they take a kid from an option team that is big, strong and a great athlete, but how many catches has he made?  I like the pick because he’ll be money on the edge when a tailback is taking it outside.

23 – Packers on the clock:

The Pack have been ultra conservative in recent drafts and their picks often reek of arrogance.  They like to take obscure players and act like they were the only ones that knew about them.  The Pack needs a lot of players in this draft.  They need a RT, WR since Driver is getting older, TB, DE, and then speckled depth across the board.

Seems like everybody needs a DE – this is setting up well for Antonio Coleman, who has really slid down draft boards.  He could make up a lot of ground due to the big need out there.

It’s going to be Bryan Bulaga from Iowa, who will come in and start at RT from day one.  Good, solid pick for them.

24 – Patriots are on the clock:

Denver only gave up a 4th to swap spots with NE.

Pats could take Dez Bryant here, but I’ve had a feeling that they are going to draft Tebow for some a while now.

Needs are WR, HB, NT and a big DE so we could see Dan Williams, or a FS but it’s early for who’s left.

McShay is telling us that Bryant is becoming a hot commodity and Dallas has traded up to get him.

24 – Dallas on the clock:

Gotta be Dez Bryant, and it couldn’t be a better fit.  Bryant is happy to be there and the Cowboys are happy to take a great player regardless of character.  Young says T.O., Gruden says Michael Irvin.  I think it’s funny they both compare Bryant’s on the field game to guys with character issues.

25 – Ravens are on the clock:

And they are pissed.  They really need a WR and probably thought they were going to atleast get Thomas from GT.

Other needs, maybe CB, maybe ILB to go next to Ray Lewis.

Tebow? WTF?  Baltimore is not drafting Tebow. He’s putting on a Denver hat.

25 – Denver on the clock:

They have traded up for Tebow.  I like it for him; it’s probably one of the best teams he could go to.  He’s going to a QB guru head coach at a place where they have some so-so QBs.  He will play next year one way or another and he could eventually be the starter for the Broncos a year or so down the road if things go to plan.  We will see how good of a QB coach Josh McDaniels is.

Steve Young agrees that this is a great team for him.  Baltimore was probably more than happy to get something to move down and Denver took the opportunity.

Good God, they gave up the farm for him though: a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th.

Clausen is still out there, probably because he’s got the bad kind of arrogance. Colt McCoy could be good, but he’s short and small framed.  I’m glad the QBs have slid this far b/c I didn’t like any of them as 1st rounders.  We should see both drafted early tomorrow which is right where they belong.  Remember that Drew Brees was a great college QB too and because he was slight of frame he ended up going in 1st in the second round. That’s who McCoy is being compared to.

26 – Cardinals on the clock:

Or the Cards could take a QB actually, but they act like they believe in Leinart.  They need to replace Karlos Dansby and Anquan Boldin but they could also use a G or T.  Dan Williams the DT is still out there.

People are really emotional about Tebow. Some are really hating it and others are loving it.

It’s Dan Williams and it’s a good quality pick.  He’ll be in a strong rotation with Darnell Dockett, Bryan Robinson, and Alan Branch.

27 – Patriots are on the clock:

Let’s see if they keep this one, I have no clue where they will go here because the top players available are not needs for them.  If they draft the best player, it’s not Clausen, but will be Sergio Kindle or Jerry Hughes.  Both would be a good pick.

I can’t help but go back to my belief that the Patriots were going to take Tebow and that’s why Denver traded up.

Steve Young thinks it’s Kindle.

Devin McCourty DB out of Rutgers?  Kiper says this is about right for McCourty, but he’s just a depth pick for New England.  Berman thinks he’s drafted to be a special teams ace, but in the first round?

Gruden loves it

28 – Dolphins on the clock:

Needs are WR, C or G on offense, DE, NT, CB on defense.  Trading Ted Ginn for a Ford Festiva and a large Pizza 5th round pick was just idiotic in my opinion, but with Brandon Marshall I guess they figured they didn’t need a great return man and slot receiver.

It’s Jared Odrick, the DT out of Penn State.  It’s a great pick because he can fit well into any spot on Miami’s D-line.  Good job of trading down and still getting a guy they want by Miami.

BTW, I don’t buy into the Ronnie Brown trade rumors.

29 – Jets are on the clock:

As big of a disappointment as Vernon Gholston has been I bet the Jets are stoked that Hughes and Kindle are both here for them to choose from.  That would give NY an embarrassment of riches on the defensive side of the ball.  They could use a CB opposite Revis b/c their other corners are getting old.  They also need a G on offense but they have really addressed every pressing need through free agency and trades this offseason.

It’s Kyle Wilson the CB out of Boise.  Good pick, he should be in the rotation immediately and should take over the spot opposite Revis about halfway through the season.  Apparently he can return kicks too.

30 – Minnesota is on the clock:


TE is a need, RG too, they could also use a change of pace RB, their DTs are getting old, but it’s probably going to be Hughes or Kindle like I’ve predicted for two of the last three picks.  Ben Leber is a starter at OLB and they weren’t real happy with Jasper Brinkley in the middle.

Gruden suggests Jahvid Best and that would be a good pick if he’s not loopy from that idiotic dive into the end zone that scrambled his eggs.

A wise man once said “don’t leave your feet unless you’re going to land in the endzone,” but I doubt he wanted you to sky like that, Jahvid.

30 – We have a trade, the Lions are on the clock:

Interesting, but if I’m Detroit I’m not trading up for anybody.  When you need as many players as the Lions do, you don’t throw away picks to move up.

And it’s still Jahvid Best. They’ll pair him up with Kevin Jones and have a nice speed threat in their backfield.

Gruden loves every damn thing.

31 – Indianapolis is on the clock:

And that means my Saints should end up with a solid OLB but neither one of them really fits their system.  It’ll be Kindle if he’s there, he’s the best fit.

The Colts did a lot last year with some smoke and mirrors. They had a ton of injuries and survived with a lot of lower talent players stepping up and playing over their heads.

Could be G, could be DE, DT, OLB, Safety.  I’d love to see them take Taylor Mays and get a real presence in that secondary that would create some brown pants for WRs coming over the middle.

It’s Jerry Hughes and combined with Freeney they will be all over every QB the Colts face.  He probably won’t be on the field in many running situations, though, since that’s his weakness but he could develop quickly into a dominant player.  Look for him to spell Freeney, and replace Robert Mathis in obvious passing situations.

32 – The World Champion New Orleans Saints are on the clock:

And I hope it’s Kindle.  I wanted Witherspoon out of Mizzou, but the Falcons took him a long time ago.  The Saints have often frustrated me in the first round and rarely take who I want. I remember screaming for Jason Witten in the first round, and then the second round, and then Dallas got him in the third.  The Saints need a G, a DT, some OLBs, and could use a good SS to replace Roman Harper.  I’d love to get Taylor Mays here, too.  Hmm, maybe you could even move him to LB.  He’s certainly big enough.

Gruden is saying Kindle, Young likes that too.

Brees gets to announce the pick…

Patrick Robinson, CB out of FSU.


Second Round coming tomorrow…

Photo via.

Thor Burk came to Auburn as a young man in 1997 and never left. He’s always loved Bo Jackson, but his true love of Auburn football proper began in the early 90s. In addition to writing a weekly report on Tiger greats in the NFL, he’s a professional BBQ judge (Memphis certified), and all around foodie. Write to him at [email protected].

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